Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Soggy, Snotty, Red-Eyed Mess

Pin It Now! I hate crying in front of people, even my kids.

I absolutely despise this character trait in me. My mom says my grandma was the very same way. So can I blame it on genetics? :) Well, whatever the reason, I have never been a fan of publicly displaying my emotions, especially sadness and those involving tears. I'll let myself get what I call a "cry headache" before I'll let a tear escape!

The other day, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I was so wishing that I had a lap-top so I could cry in the privacy of my own room. But, as it was, I sat in our doorless front room, where we keep the computer, while the kids watched TV in the family room.

And I just had to click on Kristen's Kenya posts. (We are THAT Family)

I knew she'd been to Africa through Compassion International, and I wanted to catch up since I hadn't had time to read her blog in a couple of days.

Oh boy!

I was fine during the first few minutes, but as I kept reading, I could feel the compression of my heart, the inner stirring of emotions. My heart ached. A lump formed in my throat.
My emotions wanted OUT! I should have just stopped reading and looking at the pictures, but I couldn't. I was riveted.

And then came the video. With my tears still firmly locked in place, I decided it was safe to click "PLAY".

Oh my!

About half way through, my body just couldn't contain the swelling volcano of emotions. I kept trying to, though. I think a tear slipped out and maybe a few muffled mouse squeaks. My kids still had no idea I was in such emotional turmoil.

But then it happened. I heard Lincoln get up and start to walk my way, so I ever so slightly turned my face. (By now more tears are spilling down my cheeks.) I am thinking, "Great, he's gonna see me like this!" ( I know--so stupid of me to think that or even care for that matter!)

I can't even remember what question he asked me, but when he saw my face, he was like, "Whoa, are you okay, mommy?" I couldn't even answer, cuz I was about to EXPLODE. I just buried my eyes into my sleeves for a sec. in hope of regaining some sense of composure. Even then, I just sorta had to shake my head "yes" and wave him away for the time being. (Don't worry, I explained later why I'd been so upset.)

Shortly after this confrontation with my son, it was rest time, thankfully! I went up to my room and cried. You would've thought I had a slug for a pet by the looks of my long, black sleeves!!

Deep down in my heart, I made a wish the size of a mustard seed. I hope and pray it blossoms into something beautiful . . .

If you'd like to read all about Kristen's real-life experience in Kenya and learn more about the amazing organization, Compassion International, you've got to read her posts!!

Day 1

Day 2 (alright, this has just got to stop--I'm gettin' all teary-eyed revisiting these posts to provide links!)

Day 3

Day 4 If you can make it through the video without being touched in the slightest way, then you are one tough cookie!

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

Kristen has also written other posts about her experience, so just visit her entire blog! She's a really neat gal!!!

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