Friday, September 07, 2007

How to Keep Your Man Comin' Home Even After 10 Years

Pin It Now! Well, I have been married now for over 10 years, so I guess that means I have earned the right to dish out advice.

I believe I have discovered at least 10 secrets to having a successful marriage.

So for those brave enough to take the plunge, or for those who have already taken the plunge, here are 10 time tested tips to keep your man comin' home even after 10 years.

1. Have at least 3 kids so your belly has time to get that attractive deflated balloon, cottage cheesy look.

2. Breastfeed for at least 4 years so you can wear the special order bras with inverted cups.

3. Go natural. Shower at the most every other day.

4. Go natural. Wear very little to no makeup.

5. Go natural. Wear greasy, unwashed hair in a clip.

6. Wear old, outdated, faded, stained clothes. Even better if they have fresh snot trails.

7. Go out on no more than 3 dates a year, and by all means never go away on vacation with just the two of you.

8. Plan a weekly menu of mouth watering, satisfying meals that regularly consist of mac & cheese, eggs and toast, grilled cheese, beans & cornbread, and baked potatoes with salad.

9. Always be tired and go to bed by 9pm. This is a real winner b/c fewer conversations means fewer arguments.

10. Last but not least spend your weekends cleaning, grocery shopping, washing clothes and getting ready for the next week.

There you have it. Carefully follow these guidelines and you can be on your way to having a fairytale marriage.

*Please feel free to make as many copies as you wish.


Anonymous said...

lol! blissful!

HONEY said...

Hmm...fresh snot trails on Brandi's that's a vision! Ha! You fashion diva you! :-)

not up to code said...

you forgot the one about having sex no more than once a year. makes'um come home every night wondering if this will be the night!

Autumnfawn said...

I didn't exactly want my kids reading that mama wrote that on her blog, but I can't deny that it didn't cross my mind. A few other things crossed my mind too, but they didn't make the final cut either.

Anonymous said...

I'm wondering what those "other" things are.


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