Sunday, March 03, 2013


Pin It Now!

I like to purge often. Get rid of stuff that's just collecting and filling drawers, closets, etc. Well, a few days ago I came across a pregnancy journal that I had started but never did get to finish because of a miscarriage.

On March 2nd of 2001, I surprised my hubby with the wonderful pregnancy news by making an "I'm A Big Brother" shirt for Mullin to wear. So, when hubby came home from work and saw Mullin, well, that's how he found out baby #2 was on the way. :)

We were SO excited to be adding another little one to our household. I bought a pregnancy journal and got busy right away recording all kinds of things. But sadly, about a week later right before my birthday, I miscarried.

I remember being completely devastated. So sad and confused, too. I remember having to go grocery shopping and trying to fight back tears the entire time. I regretted announcing the news to all of our friends and family so soon and dreaded having to tell everyone the bad news.

For the sake of closure, just 7 days after finding out I was expecting, I wrote a letter to the baby I miscarried. I am sharing it here because I am finally going to throw this journal away after so many years.

The letter . . .

I guess you won't ever read this now . . . all of the hopes and dreams I had for you have ended. I found out today that I lost you. For I moment I even doubt you were ever there - but I know you were. I've cried for you today - I miss you even though I never even got to see you.

 There are no words of comfort. Of course I ask the question, "Why?" I will never fully understand. God's ways are not my ways . . . I don't even want to pray - why pray? My prayers for a healthy baby weren't answered. Yet, there is something in me telling me to pray. Who else could I turn to? There is nowhere else to go. Like Job I say, "though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him."

Just when I think there couldn't possibly be more tears, they flow. For my own healing I need to write this, and I will tell you "good-bye, I won't forget you." Maybe I will see you someday. I don't know. All I do know is that you are where God wants you to be.

I love you and miss you,



God healed my sadness 2 months later by blessing us with another pregnancy. I waited longer to announce the news that time, but 9 months later my precious Lincoln was born. If I had never miscarried, Lincoln wouldn't be here, and I can't imagine my life without him. I no longer mourn the loss of that baby, but for some reason I just didn't want to part with this letter.

I went on to miscarry again before I became pregnant with Shiloh. Again, I was so sad, but I am so thankful we have our sweet baby girl. I am happy with my little quiver. :)

To anyone who's experienced a miscarriage, I leave you with these words, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

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